Snow Day

Disclaimer: Nothing of PMK belongs to me… not even a single period or speck in the entire manga/anime. *sniff*

Author’s Note: My first PMK fanfic!! Please don’t hack me into pieces if my characterizations are off or something… I’m still trying to perfect it… and um… yeah. ^^; *runs off and hides*

They had really done it this time. The trio could feel the impending doom breathing down their necks and the hot glare of death staring them in the eyes. The Comedian trio had broken the vice-chief's favorite pipe.

It had all begun as a simple matter. There was fresh snow on the ground outside, and it made perfect and wonderful sense to well, make a snowman. Or many snowmen, in this case.

So first there were three: one of Shinpachi, one of Heisuke, and one of Sanosuke. But there was so much snow on the ground!! How could one not make more snow men - it was ludicrous! One by one, cute snow versions of each member of the Shinsengumi began to populate the dojo grounds.

The last snowman was that of Shinsengumi vice-chief Hijitaka.

Now, everyone in the entire compound had donated at least one personal item to be added to their snowman, but as usual, Hijitaka was not exactly up for fun and games. The man avoided any sort of joyful activity at all costs, almost as if it would cause his death in some form or fashion. Obviously, making snowmen was also part of this evil joy that the vice-chief hated.

So when Shinpachi, who - unfortunately for him - was volunteered to ask the demon, came to ask for a personal artifact, it was with great hesitancy and reluctance.

"Ah, Hijitaka-fukucho!"

"Go away."

"But vice-chief, all I want is to ask-"

"Go. Away."

"But-"

"Do you wish for an early death, Nagakura-san?"

"Have a nice day, Hijitaka-fukucho!"

But his two friends were not satisfied. Sanosuke and Heisuke had managed to get Souji to join in their little plot, and the cheery little swordsman was asked to distract the vice-chief long enough so that they could just take one of his personal belongings.

Easily done, Souji pranced into his superior's room and asked that the man accompany him to the candy store. As soon as the two left, the two taller members of the comedian trio swooped in and grabbed the first thing they ran into: the pipe.

Shinpachi cringed in horror as his friends stuck in the thin object into the icy mouth of the Hijitaka snowman. He had a bad feeling about what was going to happen, and it didn't help that they were dealing with the Hijitaka of the Shinsengumi.

A little while later, Souji and Hijitaka returned from their small excursion. The smiling assassin had about three bags of candy in his hands, and Hijitaka had a frown on his face, not that that was unusual or anything. So the two went to the vice-chief's room to relax and perhaps enjoy a game of go.

But then he noticed.

The demon of the Shinsengumi tore apart his room and stomped outside, while waving his sword around like a madman; Souji had vanished suspiciously from the room when his superior began his fit. "NAGAKURA. HARADA. TODOU. GET OVER HERE THIS VERY INSTANCE."

Shinpachi gulped and murmured a prayer. Heisuke and Sanosuke, who had been fiddling with the pipe, startled at the sudden noise, and the frail artifact in their hands snapped in half. The duo looked as if they themselves had been turned into snow as the blood drained away from their faces. The trio trudged over as sympathetic members of the Shinsengumi shouted words of encouragement.

And that was their current situation at the moment. So, the trio stood warily before the wrath of vice-chief Hijitaka.

"I should sentence you all to commit seppuku for this," Hijitaka growled, his eyes glowing a dangerous yellow. Shinpachi and Heisuke whimpered silently, while Sanosuke pondered the possibility of living through another brush with the suicide method. "But I won't."

"Eh?”

"Instead..."

"Hijitaka-san~~~~~~~~!"

Souji swirled in, a bag of candies in his hands. The man twirled around a couple of times and ran into his superior. The vice-chief twitched quite visibly. "What is it that you want Sou- Fhn."

Hijitaka blinked and stared down at the brand new pipe sticking out of his mouth. He gave an icy look over his shoulder and found Souji peering happily at him, a pleasant smile dancing across his fine features. Narrow eyes narrowed some more. "You were part of this, too?"

"Mm hmm."

Shinpachi looked at Heisuke, Heisuke looked at Sanosuke, and Sanosuke looked at Shinpachi. The three were rather stunned at the moment, and they weren't sure if they should be relieved or worried that Souji had seemingly come to their rescue. The happy fellow bounced over to stand next to the comedian trio. "Ne, Hijitaka-san... Don't punish us too harshly. We were just having a little fun, and now you have a new pipe, too! There's no need for you to be angry at us."

Hijitaka scowled for several seconds and then abruptly turned and walked off. "You are all dismissed without punishment. Souji, I'd like to talk to you."

The comedian trio heaved a sigh of relief and bowed in thanks to the first captain as the fellow sailed off after Hijitaka.

"Heh. Who would've thought that we would've gotten off that easily!" Shinpachi exclaimed once they were safely out of earshot. Heisuke grinned and stretched his arms above his head. "So what now? We finished making snowmen of every single person in the Shinsengumi; we even made Saizo for crying out loud!! Unless you want to make a few some boys-"

"Why don't why head out to Shimabara?" Sanosuke interrupted, his hands resting behind his head as he walked along. Heisuke nodded in approval of the idea, but Shinpachi didn't seem too interested. "But we just went there yesterday."

"Well, yeah. But we don't have anything else better to do," Heisuke argued. "Isn't that right, Sano?"

Shinpachi sighed and shook his head. "I'm not wasting some more of my money on sake, all right? I'm still feelin' the effects of last night, okay? Now if you're that set on going, GO."

Sanosuke and Heisuke looked at each other. This was most certainly unusual: Shinpachi a) didn't care for more sake and b) didn't mind getting separated from his buddies. "Oi, 'Pachi. You feeling all right?" Sano asked, a slightly worried expression on his face.

"I'm fine," the short fellow answered. He gave his friends an odd look. "Are you all right?"

"I know what's up with you!" Heisuke randomly exclaimed. His two friends looked at him. The man was getting that weird sparkly look on his face. "You're in love, aren't you? You want us to get away so that you may spend time with your fair, wonderful maiden. Ah, I can see her now! Skin as pale as the moon, hair as black as the night sky, eyes that twinkle like the stars, and-"

A giant fan suddenly appeared, and Heisuke was proficiently whacked for his crime. Shinpachi was trembling with pent anger, and Sanosuke was shaking with silent mirth. "You moron, that's not it. I'm fine.”

”Is it a guy then?”

Heisuke was justly whacked several more times.

”I just don't want to head over there again tonight," Shinpachi said through grit teeth.

The comedian trio had walked around the Shinsengumi compound twice by this time. They stopped walking and stared up at the cloudy sky. "So what do you want to do then?" Sanosuke asked after yawning with boredom. Heisuke sighed and shrugged his shoulders; he seemed rather disappointed that they weren't going to Shimabara again. Shinpachi looked around, found nothing of interest, and failed to reply.

The swordsmen stood quietly in each other's company, simply admiring the occasional snowflake that would drift down from the sky. Nearby, someone shoved a door open, causing the snow on the roof to slide down and land on top of the trio. The peace was effectively broken, and cursing ensued.

"Nagakura-san, Harada-san, Toudou-san!! Hijitaka-san needs to talk to you three; it seems very important."

The trio poked their heads out of the pile of snow and looked at Souji, who was clad in his Shinsengumi uniform. If the happy swordsman was wearing his uniform at a time other than his patrol shift, then something was seriously up.

The three samurai clambered out of the snow with varying degrees of difficulty, shook themselves off, and followed Souji into the vice-chief's office. The Shinsengumi demon was poised over a desk, his new pipe creating ethereal tendrils of smoke. "You three. It appears that several small anti-imperial forces have joined together to start two riots in Kyoto. We're not sure whom these groups are or what exactly they’re trying to accomplish tonight, but I need you three to settle down this area."

Hijitaka circled a part of a map of Kyoto with his index finger. He then circled a different area with his finger. "Souji and Saitou-san will be handling this area.

"Yamazaki-kun. Tell them what the situation is like," the vice-chief said to someone hidden behind the sliding door. The panel moved, and the ninja revealed himself. "Ronin samurai are running rampant in the streets. They slay anyone, including women and children. Several homes and businesses have been set aflame, and others have been broken into," the young man said in a flat voice.

"Nagakura-san, Harada-san, and Toudou-san. The district I have assigned you to is the smaller of the two riots; I do not think that you will need the help of your troops. Go there alone," Hijitaka said around his pipe. "Souji and Saitou-san will take their troops and handle the larger one."

The comedian trio bowed and quickly dismissed themselves. The remaining three men watched the three samurai disappear, and then Souji began to chuckle silently. "Hijitaka-san, you truly are a horrible man!" he whispered in between laughs. The faintest hint of a smirk appeared on the older man's face.

”But Hijitaka-san, do you think it’s okay? The enemy won’t really attack while they’re out will they?” the cheerful samurai asked after the laughing had ceased; the slightest sign of worry fluttered across his face. The vice-chief waved it off and held up a small pamphlet of paper. “If the real information that Yamazaki-kun gathered holds true, then we have nothing to fear. Plus, those three could use a little extra training anyways; they’re always loitering around the dojo with seemingly nothing to do.”

Souji tapped his chin several times with his index finger and nodded understandingly. The Shinsengumi demon turned to face the ninja partially hidden in the shadows. “Yamazaki-kun, thank you for assistance in this training exercise. You are dismissed.”

Susumu bowed and quietly slid the door shut. Souji plopped onto the tatami floor and began to munch on some candies that he had stowed in his sleeve. Hijitaka mused over the brilliance of his plot. "We'll see how they are when they return."

All decked out in their uniforms, the comedian trio ran out of the Shinsengumi compound, the cold winter air chapping their lips and cheeks. Shinpachi looked over his shoulders at his taller comrades and shouted, "Isn't the place where we're going on the other side of Kyoto? I mean the other side of Kyoto?"

"I think so! But if that's where Hijitaka-fukucho wants us to go, then we'd better get there none the less!" Sanosuke said while pounding along, a spear resting on his right shoulder. Heisuke heaved a sigh and slowed his pace slightly. "Ne, does anyone think that this entire thing is sort of odd?"

Shinpachi glared at his friend. "Do you want to get skewered by Hijitaka-fukucho or something?! Keep running!" the second captain hissed. The man shrugged and resumed his original pace. But the question did bring questions to Shinpachi's mind; it was rather odd to send out just three men to handle a riot.

As if to answer his short friend's question, Sanosuke randomly commented, "I wonder if this is a really small riot. Do you think we should try and help out Okita and Saitou when we're done?"

"I suppose; Hijitaka-fukucho did say that it was a much larger riot there."

Heisuke began to slow his pace again. "Oi, do you guys see that? Or the lack of that, should I say?"

The samurai had now completely stopped and was pointing at the cloudy sky. Sanosuke and Shinpachi slowed to a trot before coming to a complete stop as well. All three looked up at the cloudy sky, and then the tallest and shortest of the trio looked at their friend. "What?" they said in unison.

"There's no smoke or anything."

"Okay... And your point is?"

"Do you think that Hijitaka-fukucho tricked us?"

The comedian trio looked at each and began to walk very slowly and deliberately towards their destination. Something was definitely off about it all.

It had been about five hours since Hijitaka had sent the troublesome trio out on a fake mission, and it was rather late at night by then. Snow was coming down heavily, and it appeared that it wanted to fall throughout the rest of the evening. Souji was napping in a corner of the room, his small frame curled into a ball with a warm blanket wrapped around his body. The vice-chief sat at his little table reading.

Then there were several loud thumping footsteps, and the door to Hijitaka's room was flung wide open. There stood Shinpachi, Sanosuke, and Heisuke; all three were cold, wet, tired, and in a rather sour mood. "Captains Nagakura, Harada, and Toudou reporting," Shinpachi grumbled before stumbling in to sit in front of Hijitaka.

The trio could not help but notice the smirk slowly spreading across the demon's face. As that evil grin grew, frowns began to form on their own faces. "We reached our destination and discovered that nothing was happening there," Shinpachi said.

"We then headed over to where Okita-san and Saitou-san were reported to be handling the other riot and also found nothing," Heisuke added.

"We concluded that there were no riots and returned to base," Sanosuke finished.

Hijitaka chewed lightly on the end of his pipe, the smile still dancing across his features. “Well, even if there was no actual riot, I think this provided some excellent training. Let this be a lesson on how to respond to any enemy movement whenever and wherever it might be.

”But then there is the issue of your slow response time. Report back here tomorrow morning, and we shall discuss your unsatisfactory performance. For now, you may go.” The vice-chief then stood up, nudged Souji, and walked out of the room to his private living quarters. "You are all dismissed. Souji, go to bed."

The happy swordsman blinked several times, noticed that Hijitaka was gone, and promptly skipped out, all the while shouting, "Hijitaka-san~~!!"

Heisuke's eyes wearily followed the bouncing body out until it disappeared around a corner; he snorted and shook his head. "I bet the only reason why Okita-san wasn't dragged into this punishment was because he told Hijitaka-fukucho that he wou-"

Heisuke was once again thoroughly whacked by Shinpachi's giant fan. The little samurai twitched visibly and clenched a single fist. "What are you trying to do, huh? Get yourself killed?! Sheez! What would Hijitaka-fukucho do if he heard you?" he hissed.

"Well... I... what I mea-ACHOO!"

Sanosuke and Shinpachi blinked at their friend who was now having a rather long sneezing fit. When Heisuke finally stopped, his two buddies checked his temperature. "Oi, Heisuke... You're running quite a high fever there. You'd best get to bed; we'll get Ayu-nee to come take care of you," Shinpachi said as he rose to find the cook.

But as he began to walk out of the room, he suddenly felt very light-headed. Shinpachi sidestepped several times, ran into the wall, and then sank to the ground in a feverish lump. Sanosuke started and jumped up to rush over to his friend. "You too?!"

The shortest member of the comedian trio grinned sheepishly at his friend. Heisuke turned from where he was sitting and looked at his friend lying on the floor. "It's all that running in the cold, I bet."

"Don't forget when all that snow from the roof fell on us," Shinpachi added as Sanosuke helped him into a sitting position. Heisuke nodded in agreement and slowly scooted across the floor to join his ill friend. The spear-user of the group was about to go and complete the task that Shinpachi had started when he too began to feel rather woozy.

"Looks like we'll all be out of action for a bit," the tall man said as he too took a spot on the wall. "Hopefully someone nice will come by and get Ayu-nee..."

Somewhere else in the Shinsengumi complex, Hijitaka took note of the sneezing coming from his office. "Punishment complete."

-fin-